Take the summer off? or full speed ahead?

This topic comes up frequently. We’ll talk about it at the June 9, Fertility Road Workshop.

“We can’t plan our vacation because we don’t know when our next cycle is going to start.”
“I’d like to accept a new position, but if I get pregnant on this cycle, then I’m asking for leave already?”
“Summer is here and we can’t even get to the beach with my cycle schedule.”
“I don’t know if I should take a break or go right into another cycle.”

It seems like any detour that we’d like to take at all, from Fertility Road, is a major crossroads, a major ‘either/or’ decision. The lense through which we’re viewing the world has narrowed, focused on just this aspect of life, rather than the arial view of life. The decision-making process seems to narrow as well. We have to do either this or that. Perhaps I should add “of course our view has narrowed”. There’s so much to learn when you first get started, all the informative websites and books and message boards and what foods to give up and what to add whether to exercise or not or cut back or do more, and yoga and acupuncture and supplements and doctor consultations and whether to go the family events or baby showers and on and on… Whew!

Taking the time to pull up and see the landscape through a wider lense gives the eyes and the heart a well-deserved reprieve. Better decisions are made with the Big Picture in mind. Imagining the impact of a decision is a very worthwhile process. If I take a month or two off, will I enjoy myself and the time? What will we do? What would we like to do? Or will I obsess and be anxious that I’m not doing something to get pregnant?

The other thing to consider, is that it’s not always an either/or decision. Sometimes it’s ‘and’, as in  “Yes, we’re doing a cycle this month and we’re getting away to the beach.” Or “yes, I can take two months off, improve my nutrition, take a cooking class, start my supplements, and get healthier before doing another cycle.”

Janie (not her real name, but the story is true) and her husband had been trying to conceive for over a year. Diagnosed with unexplained infertility, they tried Clomid and natural, and Clomid and IUI. All attempts were unsuccessful. They decided to try acupuncture for a few months and if that didn’t work, then they would go to IVF. While coming in for weekly acupuncture, Janie’s father turned 75 and brought his family, including Janie and her sweetheart, down to Mexico to celebrate with him. They had a great time, really enjoyed themselves, stayed up late, danced, partied, feasted… and came home pregnant. This perscription doesn’t work for everyone. The point is that they took the time to step back, see where they were and made a plan. The plan, including the IVF contingency plan, gave them the time and flexibility to get back to life, rather than living in “wait” mode.

Taking the time to reflect on the impact of a decision offers the bird’s eye view and where this decision fits into the big picture. When it’s difficult to conceive in the first place, you can’t hurry up and get pregnant. If a doctor tells you that you don’t have time to wait, find another doctor. You don’t need more pressure. We all need to slow down a bit, take a step back, make a plan, inquire a little deeper.

How does this affect:
– me, my emotional health, my stress levels
– my spouse, my marriage
– my summer
– our finances

With reflection, you may find that you’ve got more choices than when you forge ahead. If we do this now, then we can take the trip after. If we take two months now, we can relax, enjoy the summer, save some dollars for the next cycle…

We’ll set the stage for this kind of reflection at the Fertility Road Workshop on Thursday, June 9 and discuss thoughts, ideas, and experience as well as any other topics or issues that happen to come up.